When working together has ground to a halt
Conflicts arise because something matters to the people involved. I help the parties talk to each other again, listen to each other's perspectives and find their own way forward, one everyone can stand on.
Perhaps you are a leader or in HR and facing a conflict in your team. Perhaps you are one of the parties yourself. Either is a good place to start.
What is mediation?
Mediation is a way of handling conflict in which a neutral third party guides the parties through a structured process and helps them talk to each other. Together we explore whether there is a solution. I make no decisions. The parties do.
Neutral
I don't take sides. My job is to make sure everyone is heard and understood.
Structured
A clear process with defined steps creates calm, so the parties dare to lean into it.
The parties' own solution
The solution comes from the people who will live with it. That is why it holds up in everyday work.
Voluntary and confidential
Taking part is voluntary. What is said stays in the room, unless the parties agree to share it, for example with a manager.
How a mediation works
A typical mediation has five steps. I always adapt it to the situation at hand and to the number of people involved.
- Step 1
Briefing
We talk about why the process is starting and what will happen: who, what and when. Each party receives a personal invitation and a short note on what mediation involves.
- Step 2
Individual conversation
Each party tells their version of the story in a confidential conversation with me, asks questions about the process and considers whether mediation is the right next step.
- Step 3
Joint meeting 1
We agree on ground rules for the meetings. The parties describe how they experience working together now, and we align on where the process should move.
- Step 4
Joint meeting 2
I share what I have heard and my professional observations. Then we work on ideas, negotiation and an agreement on ground rules for working together in future.
- Step 5
Closing
The agreements are summed up, ideally with a manager or HR, so everyone knows what has been agreed and how it will be followed up.
Between meetings there is time to try the agreements out in everyday work. Two joint meetings are often enough. Sometimes a third gives the calm needed to land it all.
What happens in the meetings
The individual conversation
- Your version of the story
- What you hope the process will lead to
- Preparing for the first joint meeting
Joint meeting 1
- Welcome and ground rules
- Each party's account
- A shared heading for the rest of the process
Joint meeting 2
- Generating ideas
- Negotiation
- Agreement
When people are heard and understood, there is room to see each other again and to find a way forward together.
Questions to bring to the first conversation
Before the individual conversation, each party gets a few questions to think about. You are welcome to use them now, even if you simply want to understand your own part in a conflict better.
How do you experience the conflict from your perspective?
What image or metaphor describes your daily work with the others?
How does the conflict affect you day to day? What interests, needs and feelings are at stake for you?
What would you love to come out of the process?
What ideas do you have for possible solutions?
How do you think the others experience the conflict? What interests, needs and feelings may be at stake for them?
What matters to you in a solution? And what do you think matters to the others?
What are you willing to let go of to reach a fair agreement?
When you are in the middle of it
As a leader, HR partner or professional, you often carry conflicts that take up a lot of space, in your team, between your employees or between you and others.
Supervision gives you a confidential space to look at your own role, your reactions and your options for action. It can be a single conversation before a difficult meeting or a longer process.
- Understand what the conflict is about beneath the surface
- See your own role and what triggers you
- Prepare for a difficult conversation or meeting
- Get professional sparring when you have to handle a conflict yourself
“I think the mediation had the intended effect. The recognizable tensions went significantly down, and all of us have the feeling it is a better working environment. I think you mediated this very well. I was not sure that we could solve this situation in the way you did. I am very happy about how it went. With the guidelines, it will also be much easier to mediate a future conflict.”
Facing a conflict?
The first conversation is without obligation. We talk about the situation and whether mediation, supervision or something else entirely is the right next step.
- Write to: Ragr@as3.dk
- Call: 41 18 46 73